"The horror...the horror..."
"If that's how Kilgore fought the war I began to wonder what they really had against Kurtz. It wasn't just insanity and murder, there was enough of that to go around for everyone."
Well, glad to see Dennis really liked the Vietnam movies even if he was a bastard and pretended he hated them for the first half of the blog :p Naturally my eyes jumped first to the grades in bold and I was subsequently fooled until I bothered reading the text and soon thought to myself: Dennis is not this stupid. Ignorant I-totally-like,-like-Legally-Blonde-2 comments such as "there were only two good characters" somewhat gave the game away.
See Spot Die
I saw Final Destination last night and it was very disappointing. This is supposed to be "good" in relation to most modern horror / thrillers but I honestly found the whole thing to be rather stupid and could only imagine nimrods who haven't yet been exposed to actual good movies liking it to any great extent. I was one such nimrod maybe five years ago, back when I'd see a movie and go "omg, best movie everrrrr" on a regular basis. Perhaps with less dumbassness in my actual wording and pronounciation. But still.
It focuses on a teen who inexplicably foresees the explosion of a plane, gets off and takes some people with him, and then it explodes. But he cheated death in doing all that, so now death has a new design to kill them all and he must figure it out. Hold on. He cheated death because.... he saw what would happen.... because.... Actually, there is no reason he cheated death and was able to foresee what would happen. He didn't figure anything out. It just happened. Right. And "death has a design" because a mysterious man at a morgue who played the killer in the Candyman films told them so. Right. Because creepy strangers always know such things. Uh-huh.
So then the main guy just happens to inexplicably figure out death's new design again based on something simple and stupid and realises what order he and the others he saved will now die in, and assumes (correctly, though it again makes no sense that he would know this and rely on it with such certainty given the life-and-death nature of what is at stake) that everytime he re-saves someone death will "skip them" and go to the next person. This sets up the platform for the film to depict a series of "gruesome" & creative deaths that are laughable more than anything. At one point death skips the lead character because of something to do with him swapping seats back on the plane which is contrary to what actually ended up happening outside of his premonition. Apparently the filmmaker's have since acknowledged that this is an error.
Once it's all over it makes no sense that it is all over - death should have just skipped whoever was last saved and doubled-back to the start of its list and continued killing according to the lead character's own line of thinking which is, of course, normally correct for no apparent reason. 6 months pass and everyone is okay until they happen to talk about the events together, which naturally leads to death striking again out of the blue for...you guessed it... no apparent reason, other than perhaps to have a "cool" ending. This movie sucks. I'll give it a D+ or 1.5 out of 5 because it had enough decent elements in it despite my criticism to make it at least watchable and I can't deny that fans of horror might get a kick out of it. It's the type of film you could watch one Friday night when you have nothing better to do and you might enjoy it enough to see it through. It's funnier than it is chilling, so don't expect to be scared by it, but it could make for good entertainment if you see it with a group of friends who like poking fun at dumb movies.
Harvey Weinstein & His Band Of Twits Want To Know Why Haven't You Visited ilovelamp Yet
[plug] If you're reading this blog, that means you aren't reading the awesome movie-related articles over at http://ilovelamp.naturalflux7.com which you shall do right now. There's stuff on Hollywood going all gay on us, the awesome Cheadle-ness of Best Picture-nominee Crash and its and its striking resemblance to Traffic, and the giant fast-food icons that stalk New York. What's not to like? [\plug]
Well, glad to see Dennis really liked the Vietnam movies even if he was a bastard and pretended he hated them for the first half of the blog :p Naturally my eyes jumped first to the grades in bold and I was subsequently fooled until I bothered reading the text and soon thought to myself: Dennis is not this stupid. Ignorant I-totally-like,-like-Legally-Blonde-2 comments such as "there were only two good characters" somewhat gave the game away.
See Spot Die
I saw Final Destination last night and it was very disappointing. This is supposed to be "good" in relation to most modern horror / thrillers but I honestly found the whole thing to be rather stupid and could only imagine nimrods who haven't yet been exposed to actual good movies liking it to any great extent. I was one such nimrod maybe five years ago, back when I'd see a movie and go "omg, best movie everrrrr" on a regular basis. Perhaps with less dumbassness in my actual wording and pronounciation. But still.
It focuses on a teen who inexplicably foresees the explosion of a plane, gets off and takes some people with him, and then it explodes. But he cheated death in doing all that, so now death has a new design to kill them all and he must figure it out. Hold on. He cheated death because.... he saw what would happen.... because.... Actually, there is no reason he cheated death and was able to foresee what would happen. He didn't figure anything out. It just happened. Right. And "death has a design" because a mysterious man at a morgue who played the killer in the Candyman films told them so. Right. Because creepy strangers always know such things. Uh-huh.
So then the main guy just happens to inexplicably figure out death's new design again based on something simple and stupid and realises what order he and the others he saved will now die in, and assumes (correctly, though it again makes no sense that he would know this and rely on it with such certainty given the life-and-death nature of what is at stake) that everytime he re-saves someone death will "skip them" and go to the next person. This sets up the platform for the film to depict a series of "gruesome" & creative deaths that are laughable more than anything. At one point death skips the lead character because of something to do with him swapping seats back on the plane which is contrary to what actually ended up happening outside of his premonition. Apparently the filmmaker's have since acknowledged that this is an error.
Once it's all over it makes no sense that it is all over - death should have just skipped whoever was last saved and doubled-back to the start of its list and continued killing according to the lead character's own line of thinking which is, of course, normally correct for no apparent reason. 6 months pass and everyone is okay until they happen to talk about the events together, which naturally leads to death striking again out of the blue for...you guessed it... no apparent reason, other than perhaps to have a "cool" ending. This movie sucks. I'll give it a D+ or 1.5 out of 5 because it had enough decent elements in it despite my criticism to make it at least watchable and I can't deny that fans of horror might get a kick out of it. It's the type of film you could watch one Friday night when you have nothing better to do and you might enjoy it enough to see it through. It's funnier than it is chilling, so don't expect to be scared by it, but it could make for good entertainment if you see it with a group of friends who like poking fun at dumb movies.
Harvey Weinstein & His Band Of Twits Want To Know Why Haven't You Visited ilovelamp Yet
[plug] If you're reading this blog, that means you aren't reading the awesome movie-related articles over at http://ilovelamp.naturalflux7.com which you shall do right now. There's stuff on Hollywood going all gay on us, the awesome Cheadle-ness of Best Picture-nominee Crash and its and its striking resemblance to Traffic, and the giant fast-food icons that stalk New York. What's not to like? [\plug]
posted by Steve @ 11:14 AM
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